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Fading

Wayne Russell

 

They say that

 

you never failed

 

a day in your life.

 

They say that

 

you were perfect

 

that you were

 

somehow invincible.

 

They say that

 

you were Christlike

 

and to me

 

to many

 

you were.

 

You were the friend

 

of the unwanted

 

the lover of the unloved.

 

Whether they be

 

wayward children

 

abandoned animals

 

dying plants

 

or

 

homeless vagabonds.

 

Yet

 

like all humans

 

you too faded.

 

You faded

 

like the quick flicker

 

of seasons

 

or

 

the yellowing pages

 

of a book.

 

One day at the age of 37

 

I looked around

 

and

 

you were gone.

 

You faded into the

 

annals of time

 

cruel time

 

a mere human

 

a woman of flesh and blood.

 

Thus cast back

 

into dust

 

in which you were reborn

 

a star in the sky.

 

Many called you "friend"

 

yet in your darkest hour

 

one by one

 

those that called you so

 

departed from your side.

 

I called you mother

 

and I too carry

 

this guilt around

 

on a daily basis.

 

The guilt of leaving you

 

to your own devices

 

to your own

 

vodka drenched demise.

 

You never abandon me

 

yet I did so to you.

 

But

 

I now had a family

 

of my very own

 

and wanted to provide

 

for them.

 

It was natures way of

 

progression

 

of moving on

 

in

 

life's harsh

 

natural cycle.

 

I could only watch

 

from distant shores

 

thousands of miles away

 

helpless.

 

As your solid foundation

 

of

 

youthful immortality

 

crumbled

 

leaving you alone

 

a relic bled dry

 

by the world.

The day you failed

 

Into the night

 

beaten

 

scarred

 

forlorn

 

lost in the wretched

 

wake of love.

 

I can hear the ghost of you say

 

"Stifle those tears that flow!"

 

But oh that dam did burst

 

the day you departed from my realm

 

and that was years ago.

 

Yet

 

even now

 

that the tears

 

have subsided

 

here I am

 

thus

 

still

 

the fool in love still.

 

Mourning at the site

 

that I last

 

lay eyes upon you

 

so many years ago.

 

I can only wish that

 

we had never met

 

so that I could have my

 

heart beat once again.

 

The heart that has now

 

hardened into a pillar of stone.

 

 

Heart of Stone

Wayne has been published in various zines over the years, including The Cannon's Mouth Quarterly, The Rolling Thunder Press, and Staxtes Greek Literary Review via their "English Wednesdays” Internet zine.Wayne can be reached via his Facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/wayne.russell

Wayne Russell

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