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Suicide is not an option

Katie Lewington


Public bloody Transport

Katie Lewington is a student, as well as a writer, a reader and firm believer in Karma. She has had her poetry previously published in various online magazine/journals including: After the pause, A new Ulster, on the Formerpeople: a journal of bangs and whimpers and Pot Luck magazine . She also has an eBook published on Amazon Kindle titled

‘Just: a sign of the times’. 

You can contact her on 

read more of her poetry on her blog

Could you make it worse

Say what you say

I might pull a face

But what can I do

You mired in hate

                   And me amazed

A person can be so rude

Forgive and forget

But not regret

The being

                  A doormat

You can’t approve

But appeal

Oh like me, like me

Aren’t I good enough?

God knows, I try

I pray I wish I desire I crave

I am polite I listen to

                   What you do

I like listening to hip hop too

And, well, you know

You can’t build a conversation on that

You can’t

You need to be comfortable

                                 And have banter

With the person

Even after you part

You still couldn’t say

What was said

That is friendship

So do me a favour please

And show me respect

Don’t put your gum in my hair

Don’t tear my homework

Don’t strangle me with my own tie

Yes, I am weak

      I can’t fight back

I am a coward

I know I know I know

I don’t know what the right remedy is

For your treatment

But will you leave me

                               Leave me be


Stop your glares

And your stares

I feel like I am

Being judged

Every time I step in front of the class

I am trying to be

                     Good enough

God knows, I try

But I only make you laugh

When I trip

              Over the foot

                You have stuck out

This isn’t fair

I can’t be ignored anymore

And treated like your

                              Soft toy

It is killing me inside

I am afraid of everyday

When I get out of bed

And I dread

Think of all

The possibilities

The time you have

What you will inflict on me


                                        This week

                                         Next month

                  And forever after that

I can’t eat my breakfast

My hands tremble

I forget tasks

I really am in a mess

How can I avoid you?

And have a trouble free day

I don’t know

           And am quite tired

I feel like sleeping

But you interrupt that

Where is peace?

How do I get there?

I never cared

               But now

Without my girlfriend

I am lost


And not at ease

I am a loser

I am stupid

I am useless

Oh please stop this


As a fist lands in my eye

And a tear dribbles

Down my cheek

On my knees begging

                              In the toilets

But you are kicking me

                              Over and over

Aren’t I good enough?

God knows, I try

And I thought I knew

                              But now I do

I am not loved

         Nor liked

I am not a person

        But food

For the sharks

And with the scraps left

I am

I take the chord

                     From the shed

And I whack it around

                            A private tree

In the woods

I put my head

              In the noose

I made

     To fit

I attempt to think

                          Of my happiest memory

But I feel only

               Thudding pain

And my feet

                   Lifted from

The ground

My life draining away.


A longing, wanting

Needing, calling


Up again, 4am


Cold and dark

As my eyes adjust

I throw my blanket around me

Thoughts focus on you


What are you doing at this hour?


Relieved of my thoughts

As I turn on the TV

Watching with a tub of ice cream


Are you sleeping?

I turn the spoon over

According to my elongated reflection I rearrange messy strands of hair

And pout

Blowing kisses


What are you doing?

Step onto the bus

I’m allowed in front of the man

Little does he know

I have a pocket of change to count out

For my ticket


Same man

Helps me to pick up

The scattered coins

From the sparkly blue floor


I’ve a long way to go and I want to be comfortable


In these crazed health n safety days

It is remarkable

There are no seat belts yet


Eventually I am joined

By a young Asian lady

In the seat next to mine


Now I am conscious of my body

And try to keep to myself

Turned to the window


I become aware

Of the racket

Coming from her ears


It sounds like Paramore playing


I have heard that album


By the time I reach my destination


Thinking I must learn to drive


I would save money and my sanity.



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